Friday, January 23, 2015

dear luca

Luca love,

The last remaining bits of newborn evidence have disappeared, and you are one adorably delicious baby boy with the most perfect chubby cheeks, fuzzy hair, and pretty blue eyes.  You weigh 13.5 pounds and you are 23.5 inches long (30th percentile for both); you seem so very different from the scrunchy newborn that I held not so long ago.

This month, you have started laughing.  I would probably do about anything to hear it, and sometimes you make us do just that.  Funny noises usually get you going, and once it was a tickled tummy.  You find your sisters perfectly enchanting; you smile those cheeks until I'm sure they are sore anytime you see or hear them.

You have taken interest in watching your toes and your hands have made a special appearance in your life at this point.  Aside from your hands, you love your penguin.  He makes car rides bearable (as long as the car never ever stops moving.  Ever.) and you love to bury your face in him.

(90 years and 2.5 months)

You met so many people this month.  Just last week, you snuggled with Grandpa Jack. I looked up the meaning of Jack recently - it was never a matter of meaning for us as the name holds more sentiment.  God is gracious. Chills.  That next to the meaning of Luca -bringer of light- I know you have the most perfect and fitting name.

You remain super snuggly.  You like to learn about life while moving, bouncing, or rocking.  You don't tolerate sitting still unless it's with me.  I can be productive if I wear you which is often.  Daddy wears you too and you love it.  You love to be sung to - appropriately enough, "You are my Sunshine."

At your {belated} two month appointment, you put on the charm; the dimples and the smiles so big, your eyes squint.  She said you looked amazing and remarked, "I could just eat him up!"  I so agree.  

You still nap like a tiny newborn, something I cherish for its reminders rather than the potential for productivity, since I mostly hold you while you nap.  You sleep well at night (mostly) and I love waking up to your sleepy eyes and precious smiles.

Three months of absolute joy.  You make us all smile, give thanks, and smile some more.  I hope I have a lifetime of learning about the boy you are and the one you grow up to be.

I love you to the moon and back.


Thursday, January 8, 2015


Oh, the hopes and goals I have for this year are a bit dangerous.  A bit lofty, but so many ways in which I hope to improve myself and my home.  And a whole lot of catching up from the things that fell by the wayside in 2014, otherwise known as the year I dedicated to the toilet and my bed.

I love the thought of a clean slate, blank pages to write dreams on, and standards to hold myself accountable.  It's fun and amazing to think of all that was unknown just a year ago.  I love to make a word into a theme for my yearly goals.  Last year, I intended to train myself in patience and in being intentional.  I'm not sure how many people laughed and laughed and laughed some more at the jokes 2014 played on me with patience being the punchline.

I recently read this:

When you make loving others the story of your life, there's never a final chapter, because the legacy continues.  You lend your light to one person, and he or she shines it on another and another and another.  And I know for sure that in the final analysis of our lives--when the to-do lists are no more, when the frenzy is finished, when our e-mail inboxes are empty--the only thing that will have any lasting value is whether we've loved others and whether they've loved us.

I want nothing more than for my friends and family to know I loved them so much I could hardly stand it.  I want my interactions to shine with love, even in the small moments.  Even when I'm ushering small people out the door in a frantic attempt to be early for once since Luca's arrival.  Even when I have only a moment to send a quick message.  Even in the simple things.  The complicated things.

Of course, my aspirations go beyond love, but with a foundation of love, you can't go wrong.  Those are tucked away neatly in the notes section of my phone.  Because that's how life rolls along these days.

2015: the year of love.  Because I'm too scared to ask for patience again.


tradition with a side of real life - treasures leftover from Christmas with friends, toys, and nursing/nap time to-dos.

We had a wonderful Christmas.  A little chaotic despite my most desperate attempts to slow things down and soak things up.  We left to visit family the day after Christmas which brought similar feelings of regret the morning after a party in college might.  Never again on that timeline.  I might be caught up with the resulting laundry and Christmas aftermath by May.

The chaos was worth the trip to visit family.  Life looks like a jumbled mess to Grandpa, and Grandma had a minor stroke in December.  It's fragile and so very fleeting.  I treasure every single moment I have with them, and watching them with my children sends love to a new level.

Luca saved his very first laugh for his great grandma in a moment that I know is locked away safely in her heart and mine.  If anyone but me was to get the first laugh, she was the perfect person, and with a poke to the nose on New Year's Eve, he left us all smiling with a tiny little giggle.

The girls found reasons to don themselves in princess makeup and have birthday parties with ice cream every single night.  Life was simple and love was plentiful.

Then we traveled home in a snow storm with a new {untrained} puppy for my mom.  For twelve hours.

And just like that, we're in 2015.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

dear luca

mr. love bug,

You are two months old!  You are tipping the scales at 11.8 lbs and you measure 23 inches long, which I guess makes it official that you aren't tiny anymore (you are between the 25th and 50th percentile for both).  I'm still pretending you aren't growing.

You aren't so scrunchy anymore - the lasting visual of your newborn scrunchiness lies only in your legs, usually when you sleep.  You are figuring out how to kick your legs and wave your arms, and are very rarely still while you are awake.  You still have newborn sleepiness and sleep often.  You are awake for longer periods, but you spend your days figuring out your voice, eating, and napping.  The life.

Appropriately enough for the occasion, you slept through your first Thanksgiving and looked the cutest while doing so.

This month, we had your lip and tongue ties corrected, discovered you had an umbilical hernia, and started you on probiotics to help your tummy.  The hernia basically means nothing and doesn't affect you (but your poor belly button looks a tiny bit funny), but the other two combined have fixed things that were making you fussy and you are an amazingly sweet and content baby.  I also learned the hard way that citrus is a no go for me at the moment - it makes you miserable.

You started smiling at four weeks old - early like your sister, Ruby.  You only stop smiling when I bring out the camera to capture your precious dimples.  You have laughed in your sleep once which nearly killed me - you seem very close to actually laughing and I am anxious to hear it.  Daddy and Ruby get the biggest rise out of you which seems a little unfair, but I'll let it slide (see: dimples and charm).  Just last week, Ruby got to feed you a bottle for the second time (another story for another day: your opinion on bottles, but it's the only way to get probiotics) and you found her so funny, you couldn't take your bottle with your smile in the way.

You are finding your voice and make the sweetest baby noises - I love talking to you and listening to your responsive noises.

You sleep WELL.  I hope you keep this up.  You will nap by yourself on your tummy, and you usually wake once at night (betwee 4-5 am).  You are so snuggly, it's hard to put you down, but I'm fairly certain you have already slept more than both of your sisters combined in the crib.  You would never sleep in there if it weren't for all the laundry I need to keep doing.

At two months old, I don't see as much sister resemblance.  I do believe you favor Ruby a bit more, with some Eisley expressions thrown in, but you mostly look like my sweet Luca.  You have lost so much of your hair which seems like an unfair trick!  Two babies with nearly no hair, and then I finally get a baby with hair, only for it to fall out!

You are MESSY.  You are the messiest eater and end up taking many baths because of it.  Luckily, your hatred for baths was extremely short-lived, and you seem to really enjoy them now.

And you still hate the car seat.

I love you.  I can't believe you are two months old, but life is such a joy with you - I'm ready for the milestones and the smiles and the love that is to come.

To the moon and back.



Sunday, December 7, 2014

no words

Just a whole lotta love.

{I promise to come back when this crazy babymoon allows. Life is amazingly beautiful and perfectly chaotic.}

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Dear Luca

 To my handsome boy,

One month ago, my crazy pregnancy journey came to an end and we spent the evening snuggling the sweetest baby BOY.  And it's been a month, but it still seems so unreal.  I prayed so many prayers for you.  We spent so many times discussing who might possibly be wreaking so much havoc.  I could never have pictured you then, but now your face seems like it's been bookmarked in my heart for my entire life.

At one month old, you have started smiling in response to us.  Your smiles came over and over again at your daddy and sisters singing you "Tomorrow, Tomorrow" - there may have been squeals, smiles, tears, and a few video attempts.  I treasure these firsts and think of the yesterdays fondly with a small bit of sadness at the days gone by.

Your sleepy days are a thing of the past.  You still sleep a lot, but you are very alert in spurts.  You love to look around, and prefer to be held upright so that you can see.  You are a decent sleeper at night, sleeping 3-5 hours at a time.  This is slightly more to be expected than the five hours stretches you did for the first two weeks.  No swaddles as it restricts your hands, and you seem to be the most comfortable in gowns with a blanket around you (away from your arms and face).

You tip the scales at 9.4 lbs (10-25th percentile) and are 21 inches long (10th percentile).  I feel like I watch you grow each morning!

You reserve a very small part of your day to be without touching me.  I usually spend those moments running around like a maniac to get the essential things accomplished.  This idea you have makes riding in the car a very stressful business.  White noise and hand-holding has a small chance of convincing you that you aren't in fact being tortured, and then my sanity has already been stolen by the impossibility of hearing anything except for blaring white noise.  I left you for the first time to go to bible study this month.  When I got home, the house was dark and quiet, but your daddy said to me, "I couldn't put him down all night.  I had to do everything one-handed!"

That about sums up my days with you.

The first month held your first Halloween, your first bath (the maddest I have ever seen you!), your first movie (Big Hero 6), and a whole host of others.

I can't believe I get to write more love letters.  As you are stretched out across my legs, making your sweet baby noises, I can't help the emotional storm.  I don't know how this beautiful life is mine, and the realization that I have only known you for a month is astounding.  Motherhood is funny that way.

Thirty-one days and a lifetime to go.  I am blessed to call you mine, to watch you grow, to hold your precious little hands in mine.  We love you more than you could ever imagine.



{1 month}

Thursday, November 20, 2014

four weeks

fourteen days.

Four weeks now.  What?  Time: a creature of magical proportions.  Stopping all things to a snail's pace during pregnancy and then picking up the slack and dragging me from milestone to milestone.

I'm soaking things up.  This is the fastest one yet.  I sort of mourn the days gone by - I'll never get them back and things I want in my memories will most surely slip through the cracks.  I want to freeze time.  I want to capture his smell and his sleep-drunk, dimpled smiles.  I want to remember how soft his baby skin is and the size of his tiny, perfect fingernails.

I don't even know how to sum up my life.  I feel like I may have stolen someone else's.  How do we have three sweet, beautiful children?  

Some differences in the transition from 2-3 kiddos.  Car rides are much louder.  Luca, just like Eisley as a baby, hates the car.  I am never on time.  And when I'm anywhere close to being on time, it's because I left the house in a whirlwind of chaos, and stuff thrown everywhere.  Showers are fewer, meals and coffee are reheated.  More than once.  I'm terrified to make phone calls because of the volume levels in my house.  Laundry.  Oh, the laundry.

But then, there's a whole lot of love.  And sweet memories from the little moments.  And so many snuggles.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

to the sweetest six year old

My sweet Ruby,

I used to be timely with such love notes and documenting your milestones.  Then I had two other little people to fraction my attention.  I'm going to go ahead and consider this being within the same week a victory.

Six years old.  It seems impossible.  Sometimes, it's hard for me to believe you are mine, let alone that you have been apart of our lives for that long.  You are the very illustration of the thought: my heart is walking around outside of my body.  Being that you are my first - my little guinea pig - there are so many unknowns.  Sending you to school is exciting and absolutely terrifying.  I love hearing about your friends and the things you love about school (everything!) but to think of anything negative happening to your precious little self makes me nervous every single day.

You have always had such an unselfish love for the rest of the world.  Compassionate and a caring heart that humbles me greatly.  After spending most of this year being pregnant and very sick, that appreciation has been magnified greatly.  Hearing prayers of healing being whispered over your lips repeatedly, your helpfulness with  Eisley and around the house has been so far beyond your years.  I'm thankful for your love and awareness for others' needs.

You learned to read at the beginning of February.  Watching the pieces fall into place and your look of delight as you read was amazing to witness.  You have since mastered the BOB books and point out various words and phrases that are familiar.  You love the idea of chapter books and we have begun reading them at bedtime.

Your imagination continues to embellish pretend play in the most amazing ways.  You love to play school and and recently, you spend a lot of time writing stories.  Your first story, written in October, was about you and Eisley being super heros and rescuing cats and catching bad guys. You are inspired by Doc McStuffins and create casts out of paper and stickers.

You sing along to the songs on the radio, count to 100, and teach Eisley addition facts to pass the time in the car.  You love going to ballet and I can always count on you to remember things at the store that didn't make my shopping list.

This fall, you went to a cheerleading clinic and then got to cheer at one of daddy's football games.  You told me, "All of my dreams came true, I am a REAL cheerleader!"

Most recently, I feel like the size of my heart must have quadrupled with the love I now hold for you (and your siblings).  Watching you love Luca and appreciate the smallest details delights me in a way I find impossible to put into words.  Just the other day, you helped me put his tiny clothes into a basket from the dryer.  It took you about twelve times longer than it should have, and upon inspection, we discovered you were pulling things out one at a time with excited squeals, "This is SO CUTE!"  You sing to him and rock him and just love him.  You marvel at the miracle of life and his tiny, perfect little body.

Other things you love include, but are not limited to: Jesus, waffles, princesses, arts and crafts, pedicures, family, singing, and school.

Six years old seems impossibly too old, but your wonder about the world and the way you love without question makes me realize how little six really is.  We are crazy in love with you and what you bring to our family.

Happy 6th Birthday, precious love!

Love you to the moon.

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