Thursday, September 17, 2015

oh, this life

With an impressive number of pumpkin spice lattes tallied and the afternoon air carrying whispers of fall, I have a full and happy heart.  Jimmy has toned down his couch-side football coaching as not to wake the baby.  This means he whisper yells and claps the side of his leg with his hand that doesn't hold Luca.  You know, instead of RAWWWWRRRRing at the television and pounding his fists together and pacing the room.

I celebrated a birthday last week which had me reeling before it even began.  Trepidation quickly turned into overwhelming feelings of gratefulness with how much love I received all week.  My friends surprised me with a night out for dinner, and the messages and the gifts that poured in left me with this reminder of how amazing it is to be here, to be so loved, to celebrate another year.

Also, a precious friend stopped by today to bring a gift, bringing my final birthday mug tally to FIVE.  And all I can do is smile, because my friends?  They know me so well; mugs are a part of my love language.

 Aunt Moo pulled Ruby's top tooth on the 13th - I can't imagine what she will look like with a mouth full of grown up teeth.

I seem to have this habit of overbooking myself which is something I am working on and probably riding that D/F grade line.  I like to live on the dangerous side.  And truth be told, I do like having things to do and purposes to fulfill, but there is a teeny, tiny line to walk before I slip into the land of the overwhelmed.  I'm figuring out the delicate balance of this as we have once again rearranged schedules with Eisley starting school.

There is one night during the week that Jimmy isn't here for bed time and if I thought that was hard last year when I was pregnant and sick, it's nearly impossible now.  I felt a new mom low when I was juggling an overtired baby at the time I should have been brushing teeth and reading stories.  Ruby - oh, my sweet Ruby, brushed her own teeth and her sister's, and I walked into her finishing up flossing Eisley's teeth and I was able to kiss them both.  This mom thing is hard, but then I find them like this; paying attention to details and acting with such care and love and I am hopeful that I'm doing some of it right.  A couple weeks ago, Eisley rocked and sang Luca to sleep.  TO SLEEP!  Something that doesn't come easy for me.  The following text chimed on Jimmy's phone: 

"Eisley just put Luca to sleep.  I don't even know what planet I am on."

But then.  It happened again.  And again.  And again.  She sings him some made up song - "go to sleep, sweet little bunny" repeatedly.  And then I have to gather the pieces of my heart that lie all over the floor because I can hardly handle the sweetness.

Since Luca can't seem to find the time to nap by himself, he is perfecting tricks and words.  Oh, that boy.  He's ornery and perfectly charming so that I don't eat him.  He has learned to point and he loves to point at everything, but my favorite is when he sticks his tiny little finger up to my lips when we are snuggled together.  He smiles as I kiss it, every time.  His favorite two activities at the moment are shredding magazines and banging on the fireplace glass (winter will be fun) - and as he crawls to the fire place, he makes eye contact.  Sort of like a challenge.  Then he flashes that smile, maybe a twinkle in his eye and BANGBANGBANG!  I try to redirect, but sometimes NO! comes out.  And sometimes there is snapping so that he will be distracted.  Today, he snapped back at me, and while he wasn't successful at making the snapping noise, my 10 month old totally just sassed me.  He is talking now, and very into mimicking his sisters.  His list of words includes: hi, dog, thank you, yeah (notably NOT making the list: mama).  He loves to play peekaboo and he gives good kisses.  

In other news: we retested Eisley for allergies.  The fruit culprits that have made her sick in the past are indeed not allergies, so we can attempt to try them again.  She is still very allergic to chicken and as I suspected, she is also allergic to turkey.

(taking dinner recommendations)

Life seems so thankless sometimes, recklessly throwing me from one scheduled thing to the next.  I thought for sure I would reach this point in my life and have everything under control, know exactly what I was doing and be a proper adult, adulting with the best of them.  But I don't know what I'm doing, and no one else does, and no one did when I was younger and thought they did.  And that's okay, because I have this little family where we are happy and healthy and loving, I have these friends that seek me out to lift me up and love me, I have a never-ending list of things to be thankful for in this life. This crazy, beautiful life I couldn't have scripted better myself.

Busy, but so thankful.

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