Friday, October 10, 2014
The thought of stumbling off this roller coaster is enough to flood my brain and my heart with enough emotions to last a decade. Reliving the last nine months has raised fears about whether or not I'll actually be able to step off the roller coaster quietly. Last Sunday was particularly panicking after I deemed baby's movements too lazy. Being my most active baby, the slow down was stressful, and accompanied by some scary tagalong thoughts.
There is something so painfully vulnerable about pregnancy. The miraculous and fragile nature of life, completely out of my hands. A lesson in trust and patience. I voiced my fears to my doctor on Tuesday. After an ultrasound and a mess of an NST in which it took multiple people to track down baby on the monitor for the allotted time to be monitored (nothing like my unborn child showing the world I'm a liar - the minute the words were spoken aloud to my doctor, active baby showed itself). It looks just as it should, and my mind is at peace again. I walked away so thankful for the life that blooms in there, a sweet little person so oblivious to the frightening things of this world. And also, the staff at my doctor's office is absolutely unbelievable. Aware that fears are real, whether or not they are reasonable, they have held my hand through so many scary and unknown moments on this journey.
Peanut had the last laugh, knocking off the monitor with its big movements. I'd rather be made to look silly, then to have kept my mouth shut, but does this ever pique my curiosity about the little love that lives in there.
We received our traditional hospital bag snacks in the mail today - baby can officially be arriving any day now. Though, I would appreciate it waiting until I get my hair done next Wednesday. (Because, priorities. If my hair doesn't get attention now, it could be a year from now that it sees some love.) If I was physically capable of jogging, I would begin on that day. Aside from the frantic crocheting going on to ensure baby has a sufficient amount of animal-eared hats, my joints are also rocking 80 year old status.
Come on, peanut. We are so ready to see your sweet face.