Eisley snores gently from the foot of our bed. We are making a leap in milestones and pushing for better sleep with her slightly out of reach. We're two nights in, and I'm somewhat rested in the mornings. I'm considering this a miracle of epic proportions.
I'm eating cool mint oreos with such unrestrained glee, it should probably be deemed problematic and concerning.
Sometimes I get caught up in the monotony of a repeat game of picking up All The Things all day, every day. And most days, I still feel like it's not enough. And then I have weeks like this one. We remembered our baby that we never got to meet this week. January 6th. This year, I told Ruby about it through hidden tears as we snuggled beneath her covers.
She asked questions and seemed pleased with the thought that one day, we'd see that baby again. One day, six years ago, we were devastated, and completely blinded by the future. Walking through a desperate fog that seemed so lonely. I was mad, and I was judgmental, and I was broken-hearted. And once, I even made the comment that I couldn't do it again; just didn't want to take the chance.
But, I knew it wasn't over. And I would have done anything for a healthy baby. I dreamed of the days where I played princesses or toy trains or a zillion games of Candyland each day.
I can't imagine my life without these little girls. The simple things are the most joyful. When the doorbell rings, or the dogs bark, Eisley asks if it's Snow White here for her birthday. I smile and shake my head each time. In March, her tiny heart will be bursting when she really does come for her birthday. Until then, I get a smile every time the thought enters her mind and exits her mouth.
I don't know why we lost our baby, and I'll never understand. But I do know that whatever happens is perfect. And in the meantime, I have special friends, a better grasp of life and thankfulness in general, and a different perspective. My heart aches for the people that have suffered similar devastation. It's something you don't ever quite get over.
And this life I live? Precious. Mundane at times, but never boring. I'm so thankful for enduring the path that lead me here.
I'm not sure if it should be alarming at how stealthy my videographer skills are, but I needed to capture this sweet sister moment on video. And this is a regular occurrence - princess talk and singing in conversations.
The Naked3 Palette (I ordered mine from Sephora. I have an intense love with that place)
These storyboard sets from byMaree on etsy (TO DIE FOR - we have Noah's Ark and The 3 Little Pigs)
My new vacuum (seriously? How old am I?!) It's this one if you need a good one.
There are a million different recipes out there for this - many use tabasco, but we are big believers in Cholula at this house, so I substituted. If you want perpetual heartburn with a happy tummy, here's the recipe I used:
1 c. butter
5 oz. your favorite hot sauce (add or subtract depending on how spice you like it)
2 tbsp. worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp. garlic powder
1 tbsp. onion powder
1 tbsp. season salt
2 boxes Crispix cereal (Chex would work too!)
1 bag of pretzels
1 large can of mixed nuts.
Melt two sticks of butter, and combine with hot sauce and spices. Pour over dry ingredients, and spread onto cookie sheets. Bake at 250 degrees for 1 hour. Stir every 15 minutes.
The girls and I have loved reading The Jesus Storybook Bible (this one) - and they request to read it each night! It has become a slight obsession of Eisley's to hear the various stories, especially Adam and Eve.
What a precious thing to witness!