Tuesday, October 15, 2013


I have felt the tug of my heart strings at various points today. Little reminders. Reminders that I am not alone.

We are nearly five years beyond the loss of our sweet baby. A scar so visibly engraved in my heart, I can walk through that nightmare like I lived it yesterday. 

I didn't know why then and I don't know any more today than I did, but I can say that my life was most profoundly affected and I will never be the same. A million tears made there way in a path well worn down my cheeks. 

Tragedy gave way to faith and strength I didn't know I had, and along came our sweet Ruby. Our precious gem in the midst of a rough storm. 

To all of you mamas out there, you don't suffer alone. Your babies are not forgotten and I feel as if I carry a piece of every one of you inside of my soul. I know the heartache. 

Today I live a life I didn't even want to imagine as I lost our baby. I couldn't see through the fogginess that had settled in my eyes. 

And today I am most thankful for the hope our sweet baby brought us, the way my heart has been forever changed, and the way in which life surprised me with other plans. 

I have this. 

  And so much more.

We love you sweet baby. Someday, we will meet again. And I will cry a million tears as I kiss your cheeks like I kiss Ruby and Eisley. This time, the tears accompanied by smiles. 

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