Friday, November 16, 2012

the end.

I love the unconditional joy these two monkeys bring to my life.  I don't think it gets much better than requests for "strange cheese" and "stones" for breakfast.

So, today will forever live bittersweet infamy.  I'm tired of dealing with the emotional ramifications of a pending divorce.  It's no longer pending in their hands; it's now in a stack of papers to become official at the courthouse.  It's done.  Nearly thirty years, gone in the matter of a few minutes after months of heartache.

Something that has impacted my life in a huge way for the last eighteen months -- I am without profound words and am perhaps slightly inappropriately delighted that this is all over and I can feel breathing come easier.  It's not wondering about the unknown future; it's here and done.  And while no divorce is cause for celebration, I know the the future holds great things.  Better things.

And my faith in times of hardship always seem to flourish.  My mind has scribbled away notes of interest as I learn things about myself, my relationship, and my life.  Furiously highlighting points to go back and investigate some day when I have spare emotional capacity.

There is a lot to be said for the toll a divorce takes on a person, and quite obviously, not just the two people involved.  When I was little, divorce was probably one of my biggest fears.  Now that it's a concrete reality, I feel slightly gipped of a solid foundation, wondering about previous things in my life and their validity.  But I'm at a stage in mourning where I have crawled above the devastation and kicked through the rubble of disbelief.  Now I'm wading through the pond of anger and sadness while catching glimpses of silver-lined clouds.

It's all it's cracked up to be.  And worse.  What an ugly thing to archive in the book of major life events.     And yet, I have so much to be thankful for, a new view on so many things in my life, and a renewed gratefulness for so much around me.

I made it, barely breathing and a with a part of me completely exposed, and yet...there is still joy.

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