I love the unconditional joy these two monkeys bring to my life. I don't think it gets much better than requests for "strange cheese" and "stones" for breakfast.
So, today will forever live bittersweet infamy. I'm tired of dealing with the emotional ramifications of a pending divorce. It's no longer pending in their hands; it's now in a stack of papers to become official at the courthouse. It's done. Nearly thirty years, gone in the matter of a few minutes after months of heartache.
Something that has impacted my life in a huge way for the last eighteen months -- I am without profound words and am perhaps slightly inappropriately delighted that this is all over and I can feel breathing come easier. It's not wondering about the unknown future; it's here and done. And while no divorce is cause for celebration, I know the the future holds great things. Better things.
And my faith in times of hardship always seem to flourish. My mind has scribbled away notes of interest as I learn things about myself, my relationship, and my life. Furiously highlighting points to go back and investigate some day when I have spare emotional capacity.
There is a lot to be said for the toll a divorce takes on a person, and quite obviously, not just the two people involved. When I was little, divorce was probably one of my biggest fears. Now that it's a concrete reality, I feel slightly gipped of a solid foundation, wondering about previous things in my life and their validity. But I'm at a stage in mourning where I have crawled above the devastation and kicked through the rubble of disbelief. Now I'm wading through the pond of anger and sadness while catching glimpses of silver-lined clouds.
It's all it's cracked up to be. And worse. What an ugly thing to archive in the book of major life events. And yet, I have so much to be thankful for, a new view on so many things in my life, and a renewed gratefulness for so much around me.
I made it, barely breathing and a with a part of me completely exposed, and yet...there is still joy.