Wednesday, February 16, 2011

getting ready.

Adding a second child into the mix seems far more terrifying than the plunge to simply have a baby.  So many things have weighed on my mind for the last nine months-it's impossible not to compare one pregnancy to another and yet my pregnancies have not resembled one another in any way (unless you count the oreo obsession).

I have days left until my due date; realistically baby could come at any time.  Being that it is my child, I have ample reason to believe baby will be fashionably late for its own birthday.  My alone time with Ruby is ticking away loudly in my ear.  This is sad and exciting, all intertwined.  I am so grateful that she will have a sibling; I can't wait to watch them grow up together.  I can't help but wonder how my time and relationship with her will be altered, and that is terrifying.  She won't even remember the times that we spent together, just the two of us.  But I do, and I'm trying to cherish every single moment between us.

We have grown accustomed to Ruby's ever-growing independence, so I know the newborn stage is going to be quite the adjustment again.

I have mixed feelings; I want to enjoy all of the simple moments I have with an only child.  But then there's the tremendously sore body.  I hardly feel like I can go on with my body feeling so weak; rolling over in bed reduces me to near tears, and walking...well it can't even be called walking anymore.

I know I have room in my heart for another child, but it's hard to believe we are about to welcome our second little one into our family.  Pregnancy does this strange thing where my body and mind cannot connect.  I can't imagine what this baby will look like or be like.  I can hardly imagine there being a baby at all!  And here we are, about to meet mystery baby.

So excited.  And so nervous.

And so many other things.

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