Thursday, November 4, 2010

wonder & awe.

At the risk of sounding really cliche, really naive, or incredibly ignorant, I'll go ahead and delve into my latest thoughts.

Pregnancy is so strange. It does the weirdest things to me physically and emotionally, leaving me looking at the experience completely dumbfounded for months afterwards. I am still reeling from my pregnancy and birth of Ruby-she will be two in less than a week. It's so bizarre that there is an actual human being living and growing inside of my body as I go about my daily happenings. There is a precious little face, and ten fingers, ten toes in there. A complete, tiny human being that just has some growing to do before arriving here in this crazy world and being a part of our family. Where we will look back and wonder what we did before the baby because baby fits in so well, it's like he's been there the entire time.

And my body is doing this on its own. It's proof to me to trust in my body and the things it can do, both now and always. But specifically when I am in labor-I really want to focus on listening to my body this time.

These kicks and rolls and sudden shakes at times that go on inside of my belly are such precious reminders of that little human getting comfortable and changing positions in there. Without that, I think I may forget that I am even expecting to welcome another little one. It's so life-changing and yet such an abstract concept, that I really find it fascinating and seemingly over my head to grasp. Complexity and simplicity all wrapped up in one experience.

I realize this sounds completely out there, but the miracle of growing a human and bringing it into this world is beyond my comprehension. I can't believe I can do it. I can't get over how we catch our first glimpse when baby is nearly microscopic and resembling something of a blob. That blob then grows into the cutest little faces I have ever seen.

And genetics is a whole 'nother realm. The idea that this baby will likely be nothing like Ruby and quite possibly look nothing like her is crazy to me. I think about that a lot with this one; I compare things with Ruby's pregnancy and this one.  I constantly have to remind myself that this experience will not mimic Ruby's; this baby is a unique individual that we will treasure and it will change our lives completely.

 Just like Ruby did.


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