Wednesday, December 30, 2009


We had a wonderful Christmas and a lot of holiday traveling packed into the last week. It was so great to see all of our family, as it always is, and I loved seeing the changes in the 3 great grandbabies from last year. It blows my mind that it's no longer the three of us girls in the back of Grandma and Grandpa's house trying on our new things and gossiping-now it's our three kiddos that are playing together.

And as always, I was taken aback by the whirlwind of emotions that were thrown in there right alongside joy. I don't get to see my grandparents often-once a year always, and sometimes twice, but no more than that. It's hard to see them when there is a long 15 hour drive in between.

If I am being honest here, I must say, I found myself wanting to withdraw from family this year, and just like years in the past, I cried over my grandpa getting old. I know it's a fact of life, I really do, but I guess it has hit so close to home in the last few years, because the changes in him are remarkably obvious and painful to see. In my head, I want the vision of my grandparents as they were about 15 years ago to stay there...young and able. My heart feels so heavy when I see them struggle with things that I take for granted-things like being able to see, being able to get around, and sadly, being able to remember things.

Prior to this year, I guess I had always naively attributed the forgetfulness to old age-that's normal right? But hearing my grandma label this and the more reasonable part of me realized this time that it isn't just old age creeping in and it scares me. I am not one that's good with change (remember the controlling, type a personality?) and that must be the hardest thing for me. Things will never ever be the same for Grandpa (or Grandma)-some of his memories have betrayed him and he can no longer remember accurately. There is nothing I can do-nothing anyone can do, except for cherish the moments that we do have. And I will do that, while fighting off the pain that surrounds it all when I see him struggling.

I am grateful. Our family has gotten to have Christmas together for my entire life-even though three of us have been married and started our own families, we can still make it work-I know this isn't true with a lot of families. I am thankful for the family reunion with our little family each and every year. I love that Grandma and Grandpa have gotten to welcome three beautiful great grandbabies into the mix and watch their family tree grow some more branches.

And most of all, I am thankful that I am learning how valuable life is and that it's silly to take anything for granted-we aren't guaranteed anything-I want to live my life to the fullest because I should.

I only have one life afterall.


leanne said...

welcome home! I'm so glad you were able to spend time with your family. What a special trip:)

Hillary (Mrs. Einstein) said...

I know exactly how you feel. We went home for Christmas this year to say goodbye's to my husband's grandfather. He probably won't be with us much longer, and it totally sucks. Cherish the time you have together!

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